New story- part 2.....yeah.....

[Aiolos]

~don't quite remember where I left off....~

Out in the distance, dogs the size of cars ran through The Plain, howling and barking as they went. Each possessed a pair of vestigial wings, which now served as paddles for swimming in the water. They were running to the western edge of The Plain, a barren wasteland filled with lava-rivers and steam vents. Lava-rivers ran through Isitar naturally, but on the western edge of The Plain rested the lava-river Kihori, which forked off into thousands of smaller streams, each one eventually ending in a slit not but a hair wide.
These giant dogs were called Kohiri, and they were of the demon race. The original Kohiri pack was born from the river Kihori, where they got their name. They say that blood does not flow through their veins, rather lava. Their pupil-less eyes glowed during the night, creating a ghostly aura around their canid heads. They possessed one long, slender tail, and claws the size of daggers. Two horrendously long fangs fell from their top jaw, while a pair of sabers protruded from their bottom jaw, passing above where the nose would be. I say where the nose would be, for their nostrils were now centered between their eyes, allowing them to hold onto their prey for long periods of time, while still being able to breath. Their skin hung loose from their bones, as if it was rotting from it’s body.
The Kohiri were deathly skinny, each rib and vertebra visible from the outside. Despite their bodily weight, their thighs and legs were heavily muscled, as they had to run across wide expanses during their annual migration. The Kohiri ran across half of Isitar's largest continent-called Norhudor-nonstop, so they could reach either their destination. One of them-where they were going now- was the western edge of The Plain. Nightwood forest rested on the eastern edge, and the Car’calwin river was to the north, which it leads to the base of Mt. Suzuoka; and the edge of the Xrillian territory.
The Xrillian clan was generally a good natured group, but they could be vicious if they needed. The leader of the Xrillian clan was a dragon named Zathren. He was young, but was to be the greatest leader the Xrillian clan had ever seen.
Zathren had no relation to the former leaders of the Xrillians, and at the time they were murdered he was but a year into adolescence. His hide was just beginning to acquire it maroon highlights, and he had only recently learned to fly. They say that Zathren has other blood in him besides dragon, for even though he’s but a drakling, he is an amazing leader.
The only member of the Xrillian clan that has blood relation to the former leaders it To’ack, a crotchety old dragon with cracked horns and faded color. To’ack was once a great war-dragon, but when he was gravely wounded in battle, he was sent back to the clan and was never aloud into war again.
Since then, To’ack has spent the majority of his day out in the woods, talking to the small animals and plants that inhabited it. To’ack’s Element was Earth, allowing him to converse with any organic being he wished.


The Kohiri paused a moment to survey their surroundings, but found nothing but dry, dead grass and a tree far in the distance. They continued on their journey, now faster then ever, for they were eager to arrive at their destination. Their pack consisted of twenty individual, adult Kohiri, and ten young ones. The young Kohiri are born nourished and alive, but, even if they eat daily, their body grows skinnier, giving them the appearance of malnutrition.
As they grow, their skin begins to decompose, letting it hang loosely from their body. It will keep on rotting until it is totally gone, which takes about one hundred years or so. Every year, pieces of the Kohiri’s flesh falls off, exposing the bleached bone underneath. Once the skin is gone, the Kohiri will live on as full demons, prowling the night as a mere skeleton.
No living creature could face a full-demon Kohiri and live; they are too powerful in that state. To defeat one, you must wait until it either ready to die, or before it’s skin is fully decomposed.



The gray egg that had fallen from the sky was no longer in it’s small, stream-nest. It had been picked up by a gargantuan dragon that was once native to the Forbidden Planet- the Hungarian dragon. He had been searching for it for a while now, scanning the entire forest he had originally dropped it above.
The Hungarian dragon was a wyvern, meaning it only had two legs. His tail was tipped with a menacing spade, surrounded by wiry brown hair.



P.S.- The Hungarian dragon has no relation whatsoever to Rowling's Hungarian Horntail. I havn't read HP, and created that species before the movie, or even the trailers, came out.

Oh, and I know I have a whole bunch of miss-used words, gramatical errors, and other such whatnot, but you'll live.

[wut2say]

it's good i like it, more facts in this part than your last part so it clued me in on some stuff........good good

[Aiolos]

Thankies!

[Ersska]

Sorry it took me so long to reply.
Anywho, this is actually quite good. Although, not as good as the first part. The part about the Xrillian clan seems irrelevant. I think that if you were going to say something about them, you should have just said something like ". . .Mt. Susuoka; and on into the territory of the Xrillian, a good-natured but vicious clan of dragons." Then, leave it be and go back to the Kohiri. I think it would be better to wait and give the history of the Xrillian later on in the story, say like once they play a more important part. Catch my meaning?
Also, the part about the Hungarian, I think you might want to rephrase that. To me, the way you have it now, it sounds like you're renaming the Forbidden Planet and calling it the Hungarian dragon. I suggest: "It had been picked up by the Hungarian - a gargantuan dragon once native to the Forbidden Planet."
Other than that, good job. (Let's see how well your nerves of steel take this critique!)

[Aiolos]

Keekee, you'll get the meaning of the Xrillians later on.

And I get what your saying about the Hungarian...

[Ersska]

Keekee? What the hey? What does that mean?
I know that the Xrillians will probably play a role in the story later but what I was saying was to wait to when they become more relevant. Explaining them, then skipping back to the Kohiri might confuse some people.

[Aiolos]

-_-' it's a form of laughter.

that's the POINT. Confusion is my friend.

[Ersska]

Confusion ought not to be your friend. Confusion is not my friend. He always brings Rage with him. I don't like Rage. He's mean. So, keep Confusion to yourself. Please?

[Aiolos]

[wut2say]

wow ive been gone a bit


i say confusion is a good thing..at times. when it is something that can be used to enhance wut u r doing that is when it is good
other wise.....its jsut confusing